Thirteen gods walked. Each repaired what they could see.

Trish, 38, Bundoora mum on a Samsung at the school carpark · daughter's 21st in 6 weeks

Caught: "Since 2019" pill said one thing, FAQ "over six years" said another. Safety FAQ compared the laser to a supermarket barcode scanner (factually wrong, parental trust-killer). "Default Title" variant label leaking from the backend. FIND YOUR PACK chips did nothing when tapped. Facebook eyebrow promised "Top Comment - 32 reactions" with no comments below it.

Fixed: Math reconciled. Safety FAQ rewritten honest (Class 2 IEC 60825, two parent rules). Default Title hidden. Chip handler now slides in a personalised pick-card. Three real Messenger-styled comment cards injected under the eyebrow.

snippets/brigid-r5-trust-fixes.liquid · theme.liquid hook

Margaret 67 + John 71 on an iPad in West Hobart · 45th anniversary in March

Caught: Price labels reversed (the visually-hidden labels said "Regular / Regular / Sale" attached to the wrong numbers). No phone number anywhere on the page. Order timeline rendering raw Liquid placeholder code ("data-text=[start_date]"). Four contradictory shipping promises across the page. Five discount mechanics in the first ten seconds.

Fixed: Price labels swapped so screen readers and skim-readers stop seeing "Regular Regular Sale". Order timeline now computes real dates in Liquid (no JS dependency). New calm trust-bar with shipping detail, plain-English warranty, and a Messenger handle with a one-hour reply window.

snippets/price.liquid · shipping-checkpoints.liquid · halcyon-trust-bar.liquid · halcyon-r5-fixes.liquid · theme.liquid hook

Dave, 45, electrical contractor on his ute break in Mandurah WA · 25th anniversary BBQ in 2 months

Caught: The "Last purchase: 2 hours ago - Dave, WA" social-proof reel actually showed his own name and state because it cycles through 10 baked names. "Comparable to a supermarket barcode scanner" safety claim — Dave is a sparkie, knows that's bullshit (barcode scanners are Class 1, garden lasers are Class 3R). Cart drawer said "4,000+ happy homes", PDP everywhere said "10,000+". Duplicate "12-month warranty" stutter inside one FAQ sentence.

Fixed: jb-live-pulse rewritten — fake counter dead, replaced with 3 honest trust lines. Cart drawer figure reconciled to 10,000+. Product body_html updated: barcode-scanner lie replaced with accurate "diffuse reflections" copy, "warehouse in Shenzhen" line reframed without xenophobia.

snippets/jb-live-pulse.liquid · sections/cart-drawer.liquid · snippets/jb-polish-r5.liquid · product 3911776305230 body_html

Helen, 52, farmer's wife on satellite NBN four hours west of Brisbane · husband Doug's 60th BBQ for 45 in 8 weeks

Caught: Helen has no patience for chat widgets, fake urgency, or anything that doesn't tell her exactly when it arrives at postcode 4470. "Text my partner" SMS button assumed she had a partner who'd make the call. All reviews from capital cities — zero regional voices.

Fixed: Weather/SMS widget replaced with a postcode-driven shipping estimator (all 13 Australian shipping bands), plus a phone tap-to-call line with the actual support hours. Wren's snippet returns honest date windows: "To postcode 4470: 3-5 business days. Arrives between Wed 27 May and Fri 29 May."

snippets/jb-sky-forecast.liquid (rewritten as Helen Card)

Olivia, 34, Mosman harbourside on iPhone · hosting Maddie's engagement party for 80 in 4 weeks

Caught: Mega-nav "FLASH SALE" lightning bolt + "WELCOME20" promo reads Temu, not Mosman. "For every kind of evening - wine in hand, dog at your feet, fire pit on" — written for a Caboolture dad, not a Sydney host. Engagement parties demoted to one word inside a 7-item bullet list. No Sydney delivery promise on a $265 event-tied purchase.

Fixed: Nav rebadged "Concierge service" in bronze-on-charcoal. "For every kind of evening" rewritten as "For the nights you'll remember" with engagement parties bolded first. Sydney shipping-promise band added above the price block.

snippets/jb-olivia-fixes.liquid · theme.liquid hook

Steve 43 + Anna 41 in Norwood Adelaide on one MacBook · debating

Caught: Steve clocked the "3 people viewing this right now" counter changing on screen at 30 seconds in and called Math.random by name. Anna found the photos gorgeous but called the pulsing dot scammy. Both noticed "12-month warranty and our 12-month warranty" in one FAQ sentence. Three contradictory shipping promises on one page.

Fixed: jb-live-pulse replaced entirely (6.1KB → 3.6KB, 41% smaller). All randomised/hardcoded fake signals gone. 4-tile honest grid: 12-mo AU warranty / 30-day returns / QLD dispatch / free shipping over $150. All claims independently verifiable.

snippets/jb-live-pulse.liquid · product body_html (warranty dedup)

The skeptical AI-literate reader hunting for AI-generated content tells

Caught: "Transform" used 5 times across the page. "Imagine your garden / Your garden, every weekend." opening. "No thanks - I'll pay full price" confirmshame popup opt-out. "Be the friend with the garden everyone wants to come to" greeting-card aspirational. "10,000+ happy Australian homes" round-number social proof.

Fixed: 11 targeted body_html replacements removing AI-default verbs and three-noun parallel lists. Popup confirmshame option rewritten to "Not right now". Founder note rewritten short and specific: "The garden lasers at Bunnings kept dying. So we ordered our own. Six years on, this is the unit we settled on."

snippets/jb-popup-controller.liquid · templates/product.garden-laser-deep.json (founder_pdp) · product body_html (11 phrase swaps)

Surry Hills brand designer on MacBook · was meant to walk as the design-snob

Cause of death: Hit Shopify Admin API rate-limit storm while three other gods were also writing in parallel. Submitted final words, no code shipped. The design-snob aesthetic audit went un-shipped this round.

R6 backlog: Re-spawn Zara solo to audit typography, alignment, photo curation, micro-spacing. Hold for the next round.